Pride isn’t just parades, it’s about putting in the work
When June rolled around I was eager to cover Pride Month. As an ally of the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, intersex, asexual, and other (LGBTQIA+) communities and a firm believer in raising inclusive children, I considered many different ways to celebrate Pride on Petite North Fork. From parade previews to kid-friendly Pride event round-ups many content ideas came to mind but none felt just right.
When I developed Petite North Fork over six months ago I promised myself and my readers that the content would be personal and an extension of my own mothering on the North Fork. Staying true to my intentions, I decided that my focus for this piece would be on inclusion and the best way to teach our children why and how to celebrate Pride. To do so I turned to a friend.
There is no better person to interview on a subject than someone who is at the heart of it. A person and their family who most feel the impact, understand the challenges, and feel the celebrations. Camille and her wife Janet reside on the North Fork with their six-year-old son. With Petite and its readers, Camille shares her honest and open thoughts on Pride, allyship, and inclusion plus pointers on raising inclusive kids.
Q: What does Pride mean to you and your family?
Camille: Pride is such a special and important time for us, it is such a beautiful time of celebration. During Pride month our son has more access to families that look like ours. He sees flags and rainbows and genuinely feels the love.
For us as parents, it's also a safe space. We're always sort of "on guard" so to speak and Pride is a place where we know we can be ourselves openly and will be safe. We can also be ourselves without needing to conform to heteronormative standards.
When we walk about Pride at our house we also talk about more than just the love and celebration. We talk about the history and continued battles that the LGBTQIA+ continues to face, in age-appropriate ways, of course. This month, each night at bedtime, we are reading and learning about 1 LGBTQ+ person a night from the book “People of Pride: 25 Great LGBTQ Americans” by Chase Clemesha, MD.
Q: What does it mean to be an ally of the LGBTQIA+ community?
Camille: Allyship can mean so many different things to different people. To me, being an ally is a verb, it means to show up, do the work, and not center yourself in that process or space. These moments of action can be big or small. Anything from calling in someone who says something offensive, writing letters to your leaders, standing up for someone, showing up for a school board meeting, etc. Let your kids see you standing up for what you believe is right.
Q: As a queer parent, how important is allyship and how does it impact your child?
Camille: On the first night, we moved into our neighborhood, a neighborhood child started a conversation with my kiddo and asked if he had a Dad. My child answered no that he had two moms. The other kid exclaimed "COOL!!!" excitedly followed by "I've got a mom but I've only got one" sounding slightly disappointed. A month later at the first North Fork Pride Parade we turned the corner onto Front Street and saw another set of neighbors who were so excited to see us and show us their support. This moment meant so much to us. Moving into a new neighborhood as a queer parent is nerve-wracking, these moments gave me such hope and a sense of safety in our new home.
Of course, it hasn't been perfect and we have certainly had uncomfortable moments here as well, but knowing we have allies here makes a big difference.
Q: Why is it important for parents to show and teach their child/ren inclusion?
Camille: Allow your children the room to learn about who they are, don't make assumptions based on who you think they are, and give them space to explore and evolve. Don't put your child in a binary, let them play with all toys, read all books, wear all the colors, and wear whatever they like. When they tell you about themselves, listen and believe it. Teach them to be kind and to be an upstander. Tell them that you love them each and every day. LGBTQIA+ youth experience significantly higher rates of bullying than their non-queer counterparts and studies show that a child's confidence at home builds resiliency, however, I also think the second piece of that is to raise kids who aren't bullies in the first place. This work starts in the home.
Q: What are some things that parents can do to foster inclusion and allyship?
Camille: I am a book lover so my first response will always be books! I think books can be a great starting point for more complex, dynamic conversations with your children. There are so many wonderful children's books that I can recommend but if I had to choose three to start with it would be Bodies are Cool by Tyler Feder, What Are Your Words by Katherine Locke, and The Family Book by Todd Parr especially for younger kids.
View and shop Camille’s book picks here.
Have conversations about different types of families. Use inclusive language, for instance using the word "grown up" instead of mom or dad, unless you know for certain who the child is being raised by. This is not only inclusive of LGBTQIA+ families but all family structures including children who are being raised by a single parent, grandparents, bonus parents, foster parents, etc.
Become a pronoun pro! Introduce yourself with your name and pronouns.
Again, let your kids see you doing the work!
Q: What are your hopes as we raise the next generation when it comes to inclusion?
Camille: That we have a world where no one has to come out. That people will be able to understand themselves more deeply and share that with the world in ways that affirm them. That we won't put kids into binaries that they later have to break through. And of course that LGBTQIA+ people have equal rights, opportunities, and access to live long, healthy lives.
Camille and Janet’s last names were intentionally omitted from this article for their safety and protection.